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THIS
MONTH we were treated to the sight of Ian Beale wearing nothing
but his smalls: Tiny bikini briefs. Actually, truthfully,
‘treated to the sight’ would not be quite accurate. Let me now
correct the record and say that; this month we had the sight of
Ian Beale, wearing nothing but his bikini briefs, inflicted
upon us. And with no warning. My eyes!! As we continue to try to
cleanse our visual palates, let us join the lives of the residents
of Albert Square, already in progress...
A car speeds
into the Square, stops, and as a door is thrown open, a scantily
dressed young woman is tossed out on the pavement. It’s Nigel’s
little Clare, all grown up. She goes looking for Dot, who isn’t
immediately available, and anyone else she remembers. Of course,
most are gone now. She eventually runs into Ian who lets her get
cleaned up, while she attempts to clean out his wallet. She’s
about to scarper when Dot hears she’s there and comes inviting her
to stay for a visit. Turns out she’s not the same little Clare we
knew. Scotland has turned her into a manipulative little madame,
who’s looking for a Sugar Daddy, and is even keeping a notebook,
to keep them all straight ... Ian has his first client for his new
party planning venture with Christian; a gay man planning his 50th
birthday party. This man takes quite a shine to Ian, who is thrown
til he finds out the guy is about to get an MBE from the Queen,
and needs a date for the ceremony. Ever the weasel, Ian can
pretend to be gay for a day, if it means he can meet The Queen...
Tonya has
begun drinking heavily to deal with the break-up of her marriage.
She’s also seeing (or maybe just using) Sean. Further complicating
things is the fact that the girls seem to blame her, rather than
their dad, for the break-up – largely because he has been working
on them. When she and Max go to court for the temporary custody
hearing, Max denies everything, (including any infidelities), but
Tanya has it all on dvd right? Wrong! In true EE style, the
lawyer’s assistant has lost the dvd with the footage of Max and
Stacy. To make things worse, when Tanya decides to have a birthday
party, the girls invite Max, who proceeds to secretly spike her
drink with Absinthe, so she falls down drunk, and shows herself up
while Max leaves with the kids in tow. When she goes to get the
kids, the next day, he evily tells her that he’ll always be a step
ahead of her, and she’ll never win. She proceeds to hatch a plan
to get back at Max...
Elsewhere,
Ronnie and Jack have broken up. Badly. And in true Mitchell style,
his gaff gets trashed as revenge. Turns out it was Roxy what done
it ... Ian tossed Jay and Jase out of their flat behind the chippy,
so they move in with Dawn at the Millers, much to Jay’s dismay.
Then Jase needs to go away on a job, and while he’s gone, the mum
of the gang leader who stabbed him comes a calling, threatening
him if he testifies in court against her boy. Dawn sorts it out by
yanking her out of the house and down the street by her barnet,
earning the respect of Jay, who agrees to testify after all...
Stacy tries to
make amends with Bradley by getting tickets to a Dr Who
convention, then going up to his mum’s to give them to him. After
much sturm and drang, they attend the convention, but not even the
Tardis can fix this marriage. Stacy begs for a reconciliation, but
in the end, Bradley hands her a letter asking her for a divorce
... Bradley moves back into Dot’s. Clare’s also living there now,
and she’s gotten a job at Booty – manipulating both Tanya and
Chelsea – intentionally causing mishaps but making it look like it
was Chelsea’s fault. She’s also working hard at seducing any man
(with some dosh) in her path. When Max turns her down, she moves
on to Ian. He’s about to succumb to her considerable charms, when
she pretends she intended nothing of the kind, and leaves him
standing there (awkwardly) in his briefs. Believe me, it was
awkward for all of us. But when Ian later breaks a date with her,
she gets vindictive and tells Ian’s new MBE friend, a thing or two
about Mr Beale, in the hope he’ll lose his chance to visit Buck
House. But it doesn’t work, and in the process, Ian realizes what
she’s been up to...
And Minty and
Hazel break up, and she leaves the Square, leaving Minty in pieces
(but at least not in his bikini briefs) Thank heavens for small
favors (no pun intended)...
If you’d like
to keep up with all things EastEnders, sign up for our
FREE, weekly e-newsletter, The E20 Chronicles. If you were
already a subscriber, you would have been invited to our wake for
Frank Butcher, held June 1 in New York City. We decided that the
passing of such a great character (which you’ll hear more about
next month), couldn’t go without a proper East End send off, so
we’re having one here, and watching his funeral together on the
big screen TV at Swing 46. I’ll report all the details next month,
but the point is: You could have been there, if you’d been a
subscriber!!! Don’t let that happen again! Sign up by emailing us
here at the Launderette:
dgishcabibble20@aol.com
Signed,
Your Faithful Reporter,
Deborah Gilbert, AKA
Ishcabibble |
